Yoo-hoo! Yep, still here after a two-month silence. Chief culprit – work, what else? In fact, am now in Auckland, after spending 4 days in Mexico City and heading off to Seoul in two days time. Jet-setting lifestyle – like what one of my friends described, & yes, it does seem so isnt it? But as with many things in life, human beings are just like sheep – always trying to get over the other side of the fence to graze even though grass is aplently on his/her own side.

Anyhows, much has happened in the past two months. Always told my friends at work that I live my life vicariously through theirs coz I am kinda pathetic..haha, but have to say that there were a couple of new or enjoyable experiences recently:

* Attended the Mayday concert in end Aug. That was cooool! I like their songs, they are not exactly mainstream, at least I dont think so. They dont have those sickeningly saccharine sweet melodic tunes with equally diabetic-inducing lyrics but yet they speak to you. In fact, I was telling a friend that the thing about chinese songs is that although sometimes the tunes may be predictable, but the lyrics speak volumes in just that couple of sentences. Anyway, the Mayday concert lasted till after midnight, so that was really value for money, haha.

* Did my first run for charity – 4.5 km in about 30 mins. Ya, not very fast, but I think pretty ok for someone who didnt train before. Oh, I also got laughed at, coz obviously, since this was my first time, I didnt know there were water points along the way, so was clutching a bottle of water. But I had the last laugh, coz the water points were so crowded that I didnt stop for them. Oh, and I also didnt know that I was supposed to bring my own safety pins to pin the race number tag on myself, haha, so had to scrounge from my friends for safety pins.

* Took my first break in a year – went to Sydney and Melbourne for a holiday. I was worried about work at first, wanted to bring my laptop along, but luckily I didnt. Coz once I decided to let go and not think about it, I had fun. No one is indispensable anyway, and certainly not me I particularly enjoyed the Great Ocean Road, and even drove! Haha, my mum was sitting beside me, nagging me to go slow as I whizzed the winding roads – ya, kind of dangerous but ooh, so cool! It was cold but the sights, especially the 12 apostles was worth it. Yes, took pix, but lazy old me havent sorted them out yet.

* Went to 3 cities – one in each continent. Had my first helicopter ride and loved it! Had (or going to have) a total of 3 flights lasting beyond 10 hours to get around the cities – not so great – I always stumbled off the plane looking like I havent slept in days. More on this trip when I get back.

* Oh, and got injured in a damn silly way at ultimate frisbee. Typical of me, some of you may say, and so because you had that thought, am not going to share how I got injured and had to limp for more than a week

Discovered this on Thursday evening – someone has fiddled with my Bert & Ernie, and my two care bears, and Mr P and the Beijing 2008 mascot keychain (can never figure out whether the mascot was beibei, huanhuan or whatchamacallit)!

facing the erm, spam?

Yes, instead of being perched happily on the edge of the shelf, facing me as I work, they are now facing my can of spam! I tried to find out who did it, and actually only one suspect came to mind (and here I have to clarify, that it not only crossed my mind, but my other colleagues’ too, who all felt that only a certain someone is bo liao enough to do this). But the suspect denied totally.

So now, the question remains – Whodunit?!

I have been exercising a whole lot more now than compared to, oh I don’t know how long ago.

Frisbee every Wednesday evening, just started swimming during lunch time with some colleagues (we are hoping to go at least twice a week although I am going more for the sun than the X laps in the pool) and soon, probably a netball session once a week as well.

It really helps that there are people that you can exercise with, although I see it more as having fun than exercise, the latter bringing to mind images of wrestling with some hard to manage contraptions at a gym filled with mirrors (I know it is to make sure that your posture and whatnots is correct when exercising but it just seems somehow kinda narcissistic) 

I never though I would say this but there is something strangely satisfying about having perspiration trickle down your back, of feeling the wind whipping through and knotting up your hair, of having an achingly sweet sensation in those dormant muscles of yours. 

And the best thing after an intense workout? Indulging in my favourite food. More on that another day : )

Sometimes they hit you so hard that it feels like someone socked you in the stomach. Other times, it’s upon you, slowly and steadily, like the waves licking the shore, till you eventually get the drift.  

But whichever way it strikes you, if what follows after is not some form of realisation leading to a decision and an action, then the moment would have been wasted, isn’t it? It’s like finally admitting that there is no Santa Claus, but still continuing to leave a glass of milk and plate of cookies out, for a reason that no one can fathom.

“The question of whether a thing is right or wrong, good or bad, must always be considered in relation to a person’s needs.”

— Jostein Gaarder (Sophie’s World)

It never fails to surprise me how happy I feel when I find out that my friends like the same books that I do, especially books that I recommended or got for them as a gift. I think it is the thought that they also get the kind of joy that I get upon discovering a gem of a literary work that makes me smile :)

So I finally caught Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince today (ya, I know, slow, especially after practically anyone who consider themselves a fan had probably watched it a couple of times).

I didn’t think it dwelled excessively on the romantic developments between the characters, although yes, a lot of details in the book were left out, and movie was already kinda long. Anyone who enjoyed the movie should read the book. Seriously.

Anyway, my enjoyment of the movie was marred by this irritating guy I sat next to. He was an average-sized chap, but instead of just occupying the space of the rightful ONE seat that he paid for, he had his arm dangling over my side of the seat, so close that he practically could make an assessment on the quality of my skirt had he been an experienced tailor. Only after I pointedly moved to the edge of the other side of my seat, did he get the hint and move his hand.

Then, throughout the movie, he kept having a whispered conversation with his friend. If he was trying to explain the plot, I could maybe try to understand, but no. He was merely articulating what was shown on screen – “they are kissing”, “they are playing quidditch”, “he is wearing his invisible cloak”.

But what happened near the end of the movie made what I had to put up with worth it. At the scene where the inferi suddenly grabbed Harry Potter’s hand as he tried to get water for Dumbledore at the lake in the cave, he got such a scare that he half-jumped out of his seat, went “ahhh!” and grabbed his friend by the arm. I couldn’t help it, I laughed out loud. At him.

I think he was quite suitably embarrassed

The worse thing about behaving irrationally, letting your emotions get the better of you, and being unprofessional? For the recipient of your unreasonable behaviour to email you an apology after that for catching you at a bad time and adding to your frustrations.

Damn low point of the week and it’s only Tuesday.

Yes. No. Maybe not. Ok, yes, but… Argh.

I wish I could say that I was considering a major decision, one that could have far-reaching consequences on the world and on the lives of others.  

But no – I am just having a damn superficial and frivolous inner struggle (it is a Sunday night after all)

I remember the discomfort (ok, pain was involved, but I have a low threshold for pain). I remember the sensation after (long after actually). I remember how it made me feel (sometimes good, sometimes really not good, along the lines of how-could-I-even-think-that-this-was-me).

So how? To do or not? Fine. I cant expect an answer anyway, not when you dont know what I am talking about. Nah. Cant and not prepared to say (but you want to anyhow hazard an answer?)

Time is not on my side. I think I will go consult my crystal ball. Or toss a coin. Or pull a blade of grass and see where the wind blows. Or put yes-no post-its at the end of my bed and see which one sticks to my foot in the morning. Or..or..

I wrote before that I tear easily and I hated it coz they are a sign of weakness.  There are times when tears swim in my eyes but a deep breath, a tightening of the fist and a steadying of the heart will see the moment pass.  

It has been a long while since I gave in to a good cry. I used to do that years ago, but I found out that it was useless. Like what Sumiko Tan said in her article today, crying doesnt help (plus you look ugly to boot) and “a loss is a loss is a loss is a loss”. It is exhausting emotionally and if you are already in a position of extreme vulnerability, then shedding tears just adds to the insecurity.

It is easier said than done to just accept the thing that caused your sadness and move on, and the old, rather over-used advice that time will ease everything is often met with a cry (literally) of – it’s different, you dont understand.

Of course. No one will completely comprehend why you feel the way you do and the extent of it (and maybe no one really cares). But perhaps the question to ask is whether you really understand why your emotions run so deep. Do they really affect you so much or is it because you think they should and you convince yourself so? As lame as it sounds, the passing of time really does help, not crying, although this is something that you can only accept and agree when you have experienced it. But however improbable it may seem now, it will happen eventually.