earthsquatter

I dreamt, a week ago, of huge waves crashing, swallowing people, buildings and everything in its path. As the waves loom in front of me, threatening to engulf me in a matter of seconds, I tried, in a futile attempt to close the windows, bolt the door, to put as much distance as I could between me and the impending destructive force. But a deep sense of regret hit me first - that I will never have the chance to tell the people that I care about, just how much they mean to me.  

*****

Sometimes, I wish I  know how much borrowed time I have left. Maybe then I will finally acknowledge what or who matters. A ticking clock gives you the courage to do or say things that you were never able to in the past.

Live the day as if it was your last - is really quite different from - live the day because it is your last. Yes, we can live each day without regrets now (or try to) but admit it,  at the back of your mind, the thought – well, there is always tomorrow - sneakily pops out to do a little jig every now and then.

And it’s true that actions matter more than words - perhaps I don’t have to say anything at all. But because what is really felt is way harder to verbalise, because it is much easier to just swallow the words, and because if you really care, you should just say it and seal them with an air of permanence.  

But unless there is a way of knowing how many more days of sunrise and sunset I will get to see before the world goes dark completely, the what-could-have-beens and the belly full of words, will likely be buried with me.